The Church and the Answer to Loneliness

“God sets the lonely in families…”  — Psalm 68:6a 

Dear New Life in Christ Family, 

Everywhere you look, people are trying to fix the deep sense of loneliness that so many feel. There has been a lot of talk recently about a loneliness crisis. You may not realize it, but there’s even a growing industry built around helping people form friendships—through new meetups, neighborhood dinners, apps, and organizations designed to bring strangers together. It isn't working. One article I read recently summed it up well: we’ve created a multimillion-dollar friendship industry, and yet it still leaves people feeling alone. 

Why? Because the problem isn’t just social—it’s spiritual. As people are separated from God, they also find they are separated from one another. As Francis Schaeffer once wrote in his book, True Spirituality, “Man was made to be in relationship with God. When he turns away, he finds not only moral guilt, but also a deep sense of psychological separation and loneliness.” 

God has provided the gospel to restore us to Himself and He has given us the church to restore us in friendships and relationships to one another. 

Still, true friendship is not automatic. It doesn’t happen overnight. I was fascinated with the research that shows that it takes:   

But it’s not just time that matters. Strong relationships are built on three key pillars:   

We need all three, all of which are possible in the church. These kinds of friendships grow through rhythms—not random moments. They come from habitually sharing life together, showing up even when it's inconvenient, and opening your heart to others again and again. 

This is exactly what God provides in the life of the church. He didn’t create us to be isolated. He places us in a spiritual family where we can worship together, serve side by side, study the Word, and grow in grace. Whether it’s a Bible study, a service team, choir, or children’s ministry, these are the places where true community takes root and blossoms. 

Let me especially encourage those of you who are parents: think about your children’s friendships. In a culture of hyper-scheduling and constant motion, it’s easy to jump from one activity to the next—but we sometimes forget that our children are relational beings. They need time—not just structured achievement, but relational consistency—in order to build the kinds of friendships that shape their lives and faith. 

Ask yourself: How can my children develop strong, godly friendships if they’re not around other kids consistently enough to form them? The friendships that matter most—those that are spiritually formative, emotionally safe, and long-lasting—are rarely built in passing. They’re built by being around the same people, again and again, over time. 

I’ve seen this in our own family. Relationships have grown through baseball, Christ Covenant School, choir, drama, men's and women's breakfasts, Pioneer Girls, and Boys Brigade. All of these have had value—but one of the greatest gifts has been the people. Not just activity friends, but real, lasting friendships—the kind that shape who you are. And they didn’t come from doing more, but from being faithfully present. From my own experience, it is not my children who have benefitted, but for Julie and I as well as we have made friendships through these times together. 

So, how do we build friendships in the church?   

Human friendships are a gift—but they were never meant to replace our need for communion with God. That’s why our relationships, when rooted in Christ, become something more: they become a witness to the world of what life together can truly be. In his book True Spirituality Francis Schaeffer comments, “There is no sufficient comfort in human relationships alone. True comfort and true community are only possible when men are first in communion with the living God.” Our invitation to community begins with our invitation to faith in Christ. It must start there. 

Let me also say a special word about evening worship. Sunday mornings are a blessing—but they can feel big and busy. It’s easy to attend and quietly slip out. I hope we’re all making the effort to greet others and connect—but evening worship offers something different. It’s smaller and it allows longer conversations and deeper friendships to form. So if you stick around just a few minutes afterward, you’ll find cross-generational conversations, open arms, and opportunities to deepen friendships in ways that are hard to do elsewhere. 

"God sets the lonely in families." That’s not just a poetic line in the Psalms—it’s a God-given promise. Let’s lean into that together. Let’s be rooted in Christ, committed to one another, and joyfully welcoming to all those still looking for a place to belong. 

Faithfully Yours,  
Pastor Sean